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Grief is Hard: Remembering Dr. H. Norman Wright
It seems that no matter how much you work with grief, when it hits you personally, it’s as if you’ve never seen it before. The weight of it crashes on top of you, taking your breath away. You wonder if you will ever breathe deeply again. And then there are those you care about. It’s hard to watch them go through the grief process as well. You hurt for the ones who are closest to the grief.
I got the call on Monday that one of my grief teachers walked into eternity. Who am I kidding?!?! He probably got a running start and did a long jump saying “Here I come!” I picture him with that great big smile talking to Jesus. He probably told Him a joke or two before settling in to talk about the finished work of Christ and the impact it had on his life. I know for a fact that he was ecstatic to be reunited with family who went before him. It’s hard to not imagine tears in heaven from being so embodied with joy.
Dr. H. Norman Wright was a giant in the faith and a big heaping spoonful of humility, humor, compassion, and wisdom. One minute you could be talking about something serious, and the next he was inserting a joke that left you wondering if it was a joke or not. You know those statements people tell you that leave you saying, “Are you serious? Is that true?”
I came to know Dr. Wright after reaching out to see how I could further my grief training. He led me through a certification program, and we had some great discussions about different topics and scenarios. I learned so much from him. I had the opportunity to interview him about some of his personal losses and how he walked through the grief he experienced. I remember talking about posttraumatic growth and how people like Candy Lightner made meaning from her loss by starting Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). Dr. Wright was quick to point out that one could make just as much meaning on small levels too; he said it didn’t have to be big. He reminded me to think about ordinary everyday people and to not get caught up in thinking meaning-making had to be something elaborate. He said posttraumatic growth can come from something as simple as growing a garden and watching something come to life. He said it can remind us that new life is all around us even when we experience the death of a loved one. We just have to look for it, he said.
Many of you may know Dr. Wright from a popular faith-based grief program called GriefShare. As one of my teachers, he is the one who insisted I participate in a local group and spend time with those are who are grieving. He reminded me that those in grief would be my teachers, and he was so right!
Dr. Wright was also a grief and trauma therapist and an educator at Biola University and Talbot School of Theology. He wrote over 90 books and was thinking about writing a new book just a few months ago. As you can see, he was a prolific writer! One of my favorite books is Experiencing Grief, and I include a copy in every grief box that is sent out. It’s filled with scripture, and the chapters are only 2-3 pages because that’s about all a griever can take in at the height of grief.
Dr. Wright’s presence will be greatly missed, and at the same time, I’m so thankful that he has left us so much wisdom in the 90+ books he wrote. Not only did he leave us a plethora of knowledge about marriage and grief, but he also left us something even greater. He left us his example. The example of a godly man with a great platform who walked in humility. He didn’t get caught up in the “fame” of being someone great. He remained genuine and kind to everyone he met. He modeled Jesus. He treated the person taking out the trash the same as the speaker on the stage. I have a hunch that there aren’t many he met that he didn’t also make laugh.
Even though it feels like “goodbye”, I know it’s just a “see you later”. However, those “see you laters” don’t hurt any less. It’s another path along the journey of grief. So, until then, I will keep Dr. Wright’s words in my heart and share them with others.
Wendy2023-11-16T20:33:27-05:00November 16, 2023|
2 Comments
Gina Ponterio Howard January 15, 2024 at 11:47 pm - Reply
Your words are so beautifully stated of Dr. H. Norm Wright. He has been a huge mentor to me during my early years of widowhood. He mentored me through his books and insights through the GriefShare program. His teaching on Grief and Loss through my certification program with AACC was so helpful. I use his books today to help others through the season of grief.
Looking forward to the day of the promised grand reunion. Well done, Dr. Wright. 🕊️ John 14:1-3Wendy January 16, 2024 at 8:26 am - Reply
I’m so glad that you had the opportunity to be blessed by him. Thanks for sharing your experience!
